My wife Crystal put me on to the book The Code of the Extraordinary Mind 10 unconventional laws to redefine your life and succeed on your own terms by Vishen Lakhiani. I was not aware of Lakhiani’s work, but he is one of the most influential personalities in personal growth today. A computer engineer and entrepreneur, he is the founder and CEO of Mindvalley, a 200-person-strong company that specializes in learning experience design and creating digital platforms and apps that power the education revolution.
Just as Gary Chapman in The Five Love Languages used the analogy of how we give and receive love to actual languages, Lakhiani, coming from his engineering and computer background, uses the analogy of codes and hacking to explain how everything we know about the world today follows an invisible set of rules. His gift is being able to discern the invisible order (code) by which the world operates: “how human beings interact with each other, how we worship, relate with our parents, perform at work, fall in love, make money and stay healthy and happy.” P.xvii
I have not yet finished the book, but he begins by outlining what in retrospect seems all too obvious, that we have inherited rules and patterns from earlier generations, many of which have long moved past their expiration date (yet we still abide by them!) Once we come to realize this, we have more power to choose a different and perhaps more optimal path for ourselves.
Lakhiani’s scope is vast, examining all aspects of life, but as a relationship coach and using his analogy, I believe Harville Hendrix and his wife Helen LaKelly Hunt have hacked the code around relationships with Imago Relationship Therapy, and it is brilliant. Imago theory posits that we tend to be attracted, albeit on an unconscious level, to someone who has some (or many) of both the positive and negative traits of our original caretakers. And isn’t it true, that most of us tend to be more comfortable with what we already know, what we are familiar with? If Harville is right then, when we fall in love, our unconscious simply has recognized someone who is already familiar! I often ask couples if they can remember when they first met their partner, most can. Can you? I can’t remember what I did yesterday but I can remember 50 years ago when I first met my wife, Crystal. It is as if we recognize someone whom we already know.
Hacking the relationship code then allows us to understand that we have in fact married our healer. If my partner, for example, didn’t get certain needs met growing up and then is attracted to me, who also can’t meet those needs, it seems like a bit of a stalemate. But by understanding the code, by being more conscious, and by stretching to meet my partner’s needs, I am not only meeting her needs but also becoming more whole myself as that was a part of me that was stunted as I was growing up. It is a win-win.
The book is divided into 4 parts. Part I Living in the Culturescape: How you were shaped by the world around you and Part II The Awakening: The power to choose your version of the world. That is as far as I have read, so I will stop there and hopefully, next month continue with Part III and IV. Lakhiani states: “Just as a programmer can program a computer to do specific tasks by understanding its code, you can program your life and the world around you to improve, enhance the way you live and the experiences you have in this lifetime. BUT first, you have to see the code. And that’s where this book comes in.”
It has certainly been an interesting read to this point. Stay tuned!