Last month I was in Zurich, Switzerland taking part in a movie – Transformation: It’s Time to Make Life Better. To prepare for the movie we were asked to think about: What exactly is transformation? What are some of the myths surrounding it? Is it for everyone? How has my own life been transformed and what were the critical moments in that transformation?
The “we” included, what Patrick Dahdal the founder of Transformation TV, labels “hidden transformation teachers” from around the world. We were each asked to share what it is we do to transform ourselves, others and our world. As well we were asked to explain our own transformation.
How would you answer these same questions? If you think of your own life now, and look back 5, or 10 or 20 years, perhaps you see yourself in a different place. How did you get to where you are today? What were the key moments, decisions and conclusions that brought about that change?
For me, the obvious transformation was from getting married and then 15 years later separating, to being introduced to Imago Relationship Therapy, studying with Harville Hendrix, becoming an Imago Relationship Therapist and Workshop Presenter, doing that work for 28 years and now putting what I’ve learned into a book with the hope and dream of helping others achieve the kind of relationship I think we all want. My mantra is: “The tools are available in today’s world to have the relationship of your dreams” and I truly believe that.
A more subtle and I think an even more important transformation for me is coming to believe in myself, that I do indeed have something to offer and that it is an important message for today’s world and I am the right person to spread that message.
My default belief as a child was I was not good enough. I had an older brother who was a star in both sports and school. He pretty well beat me at anything and so I concluded, well I’m not as good as he was, therefore I must not be good.While I have had many successes throughout my life as a coach, teacher and counsellor, that basic belief was still stuck in my unconscious.
Part of my transformation and it is ongoing, is to let go of that belief, and truly trust myself. I have something important to say and I am the best person to say it.This transformation has really taken root during the last couple of years and while there have been a number of turning points for me on this journey, a realization I had in Zurich was significant. I was contacted by Transformation TV (TTV) and asked to be a faculty member. Someone from outside of me, confirming that I indeed had an important message. TTV contacted me, not the other way around. I am reminded of Nelson Mandela saying that sometimes we need something from outside of ourselves to motivate us. For Mandela, it was the poem Invictus. “Just words,” he said, “but on Robben Island when all I wanted to do was lie down, it gave me the courage to stand up.”
Before going to Zurich, I had set what I thought was a massive goal of, over time, impacting one million couples. How that was going to happen I didn’t know and I thought it was a mighty goal. In Switzerland I learned TTV’s goal is to impact one hundred million people and furthermore,Patrick Dahdal’s mentor challenged him to raise the ante to one billion. I am reminded of Michelangelo’s comment: “The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim to high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it.”
So back to transformation – it seems to me our goal as humans is to transform ourselves, to become all that we can be and by the same token change our world. How do we do that? There are many paths and I believe our intimate relationship can be a huge help. In the Imago system we have the blueprint for each other’s growth. We each have to do our own personal growth for sure, and as we support and encourage each other to reach our full potential we not only enhance our own transformation, we support our partner’s transformation and ultimately bring about the transformation of our world.