ising The SC Dialogue or Safe Conversation Dialogue has been used successfully in the office for over 40 years by 3,000 Imago Relationship Therapists in 61 countries. We know it works.
Here is their vision for a wider use of the SC Dialogue:
SC Dialogue
“We believe that if SC Dialogue was embraced by 25 percent of the world’s population, it would replace our individualistic civilization that focuses on the self and values competition, control, and a winner-take-all mindset. In its place, we want to see a civilization based on relationships that would support a new set of values that include total personal freedom; social, economic, religious, and political equality for everyone; plus radical inclusion and the celebration of diversity. … Polarization is replaced with collaboration. This moves you to the next and higher level of relating, and eventually, when a tipping point is reached, to the next stage of civilization.” (p.50/51)
A pretty impressive vision I would say!
What is SC Dialogue?
So what is the Safe Conversation Dialogue (SC Dialogue)? It is a skill that consists of a speaker and listener following a three-step process:
- Mirroring: the listener accurately reflects back what they heard the speaker say.
- Validating: the listener sees the truth of the speaker’s point of view while retaining their own.
- Empathizing: the listener accurately shares their experience and/or imagining of the speaker’s emotions as they are experiencing their world.
Mirroring
Mirroring involves “the act of accurately reflecting back the content, tone, and intensity of the speaker’s message with as much thoughtfulness and sensitivity as possible and without adding to or emphasizing anything.” (p.55)
“Mirroring satisfies part of the human longing to experience being, seen, heard, and valued, and connecting with others. At any age, when one person mirrors another, it communicates, ‘You matter. I care enough to listen to you, to really get you.’ It also sends a message: ‘I am no longer the sole person in the universe. I am acknowledging your separate existence. Your thoughts are important to me.’” (p.60)
Validation
“Validation is when we make somebody feel valued as a person or acknowledge that their ideas or opinions are worthwhile. Very simply, it sends a message from the listener to the speaker: ‘You make sense.’” (p.60) The authors go on to say that in their experience this is the most demanding piece of the process. The key is to remember you don’t have to agree with the other person, but you are seeing reality from their perspective. “The feeling of validation reverses the negative messages we tell ourselves based on past experiences that left us with the impression that we were wrong to feel what we felt, wrong to want what we wanted, or wrong to think what we thought.” (pp.65-66)
Exercizing Empathy
“Empathy is an exercise in experiencing how others feel, walking a mile in their moccasins, imagining what their world feels like in their experience. Empathy is attuning to the emotions the other person is experiencing or, if the emotions are not overt, listening for feelings guiding their words.” (p.66)
Last Part of Chapter 3
The last part of this chapter outlines the benefits of the Safe Conversation Dialogue as well as some of the challenges to implementation.
“While common ground can often be discovered in SC Dialogue, it is not the goal of a Dialogue. The goal is to fully understand two perspectives side by side.
When we accept the limited nature of our own perceptions and move into curiosity, a whole world opens up to us, bursting with opportunities. Successful conversations are characterized by safety, curiosity, and respect.” (p.70)
Safety
And when safety happens, connecting can happen.
The two biggest hurdles to implementation are: No one talks this way! And It takes so long! They acknowledge: “Yes, it can be awkward and tedious at first. But it is also necessary, humbling, and transformational for anyone trying to overcome differences of opinion and viewpoint with customers, coworkers, friends, family, and out in the world.” (p.72)
Next week Chapter 4 – Empathy with Everyone.
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