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The other day a client brought up the question of what to do with his negative thinking. He knows he isn’t supposed to be negative but a lot of anger is present when his partner continues to do certain behaviours. Harville addresses this very issue in his chapter on “Negativity is a wish in disguise”….
This week we’ll focus on the positives in the Space-Between but we must transition with last week’s blog. Last week I talked about removing all negativity from the Space-Between. Negativity causes disconnect and what you want is connection. I came across a great quote the other day: “The greatest illusion of the universe is the…
Last week when we began the discussion about The Imago Therapist, the authors asked four questions. The answers to which would influence how I and other Imago therapists work with couples. I went on to say that we all, at some level, whether consciously or unconsciously have also answered those questions, and that our answers…
In discussion of Chapter 7, I ended last week on the notion of safety between conscious partners. The authors state: “Safety is the necessary and sufficient condition, the sine qua non, of a conscious partnership.”(p.157) “The Space-Between is the environment in which a conscious partnership is created and real love is born. It must be…
In the last chapter, the authors examined the first two stages of an intimate relationship. These are romantic love and the power struggle. Chapter 7 looks at what is possible in today’s world – the conscious partnership. What is The Conscious Partnership “A conscious partnership is a dynamic energetic pattern characterized by relaxed aliveness, positive…
In intimate relationships, we call the 3 stages: Romantic love, The Power Struggle, and Adaptation/Resolution. The first 2 are covered in the rest of this chapter and the adaptation/resolution stage will be examined in Chapter 7. Here is something I never knew before. “All relationships, like life, go through stages. Intimate relationships and other significant…
This week, we will explore the 3 characteristics of Imago. “Why does the Imago have such sway over our lives and, specifically, whom we love and how we love them? To get a handle on this elusive force operating outside our awareness and without our permission, let us review how it evolved and what it…
Last week I looked at the lower and midbrain. Today let’s take a look at the connecting brain. Our new brain – the upper brain – which developed much later in our evolutionary trajectory. “Taking up five times more room as does the primal brain, the cerebral cortex is the precious crown jewel of the…
So what are the nonnegotiable conditions for restoring and sustaining connecting? First, “The basic tenet of Imago is: Being present and connecting through relationship is ultimately what transforms both partners, not attempting to change themselves or their partner as separate individuals.” (p.10) This statement sums up the shift in therapy from the Newtonian worldview to…
So what is the lens, the metatheory, the perspective, through which we, as Imago therapists, look at our couples? The authors go into a fairly lengthy historical analysis of human suffering and its mitigation. “In all the ages of human speculation on our fate, suffering itself (as a phenomenal experience) has been identified as anxiety,…