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Where does Zero Negativity fall under the basics for a great relationship? The Basics of a Great Relationship Safety Zero Negativity in the Space-Between Refill that space with Positives Couples need to learn to talk to each other safely (in the Imago system we use the Safe Conversation Process). Last week I talked about safety,…
Let’s discuss the Importance of Safety in a conscious relationship. Safety = Pleasure This seems like a fairly obvious equation, but a part of our culture distrusts if things are too good. We have sayings like, it is too good to be true, wait for the next shoe to drop, or knock on wood. NO,…
I am a coach and as such, have always insisted my players focus on the basics. In football, if my linemen could block and tackle well, we would win games. In hockey, skating, passing, checking, and shooting were the four basic skills that allowed us to succeed. I believe the same is true of relationships….
I am not sure where I originally found this but I thought I would pass it on. We are out of February now, the love month, but it is a good reminder in any case of what happy couples do. See how many of the 20 you are doing with your partner. 20 Habits of…
I hope all of you had a great family day yesterday. Heard from my daughter, their family was camping in Gatineau and on the ski out ran into a 7-foot moose who then tailed them. Nothing like that here in Windsor. In any case, the last two weeks I shared Harville and Helen’s comments on…
This month we are bombarded with ideals of romance. Grand gestures, extravagant displays of affection and expensive dinners seem to be the way to share your love. But is that what really fuels LOVE in our relationships for the rest of the year? Over our 30 years of working with couples, we have a different…
The third step of the Safe Conversation Process is empathy – getting in touch with the sender’s feelings. Empathy is the communication to another person that you hear and understand his or her feelings and that they make sense. It is really a guess at what they are feeling. I might say, “You seem angry”,…
“To make somebody feel valued as a person, or feel that his or her ideas or opinions are worthwhile … is precisely what the second step of Imago Dialogue, validation, is meant to do. Very simply, it sends the message from the receiver to the sender, ‘You make sense, and what makes sense is …”(p.206)…
The authors make a strong case for what they perceive to be the dominant form of dialogue for centuries – the monologue. “For eons, monologue and its vertical structure have predominated not only intimate partnerships but also in virtually every other kind of human relationship – king and subject, lord and servant, father and son,…
This week, we’re exploring the Developmental Challenges of Connecting. In the two earlier editions of Getting the Love You Want, Harville and Helen used the term “wounded” to describe how we all come out of childhood. l never liked the term. I certainly didn’t feel wounded and most of the folks who come into my…