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John Sullivan Counselling

Marriage Counselling and Couples Therapy

P: 519-966-1408   C: 226-346-2503
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Create Emotional Safety in Your Relationship

Effective Communication Through Emotional Safety

The number one priority in Imago Relationship Therapy is to create safety in the relationship so that couples can communicate effectively.

What I know for sure, (as Oprah would say) after working with couples for the last 25 years, is that if a person doesn’t feel safe in a relationship he/she will defend him/herself.

Let me take you back to 9/11 in the the year 2001 …

Shortly after that horrific event, I attended the International Imago Convention being held in Atlanta, Georgia. As the Imago Institute was then in New York and many of the therapists had assisted at ground zero, everyone was affected by what had happened and it was a significant topic of conversation.

Something very interesting happened, however, as the week progresses and therapists from all over the world shared their experiences working with couples. By the end of the week someone expressed what we all intuitively understood.

When couples attack each other in a significant relationship it has the same devastating effect as the attack on the Twin Towers.

It’s much easier to look at the destruction in New York and express how horrifying it was. When couples attack each other, it is emotionally no different, and yet for some reason, our culture turns a blind eye.

Check the movies, TV, the magazines at the checkout counter – we see people criticizing each other or otherwise in an attack mode everywhere. This just doesn’t work. If you attack me, or criticize me, what can I do except defend myself?

We need to find a better way to communicate.

This week I would encourage you to ask yourself when you have felt the safest with your partner. Identify those times, then take some time to describe them to your partner, and together work at creating more of these safe spaces together.

And remember … a relationship can only thrive if both of you feel safe.


I invite you to schedule a FREE Skype consultation with me to see if Relationship Coaching is right for you!
You can contact me by phone at 519-966-1408 or email john@johnsullivancounselling.com

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Filed Under: Blog

Relationship Issues

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John Harville, a long time fan of Star Trek and specifically of the Vulcan, Mr. Spock, says it was Spock’s good bye blessing that inspired him: “Live long and prosper and let peace be in your land.” He then goes on to list any number of statistics showing that on average married people “are healthier, […]

TRUTH #9 – YOUR MARRIAGE IS A LAUGHING MATTER

Crystal Kotow-Sullivan Of course I am not a linear thinker…I wrote about rule number 9 last week and totally missed rule #8 which is “Your Brain Has a Mind of Its Own”. With all the recent research in neuroplasticity, we know for sure that our brains are resilient and powerful, if we use them in […]

Truth #8 – Your Brain has a Mind of Its Own

Crystal Kotow-Sullivan  Oh dear! I am late with this post. I have been thinking about several things this week. The Truth this week that marriage is a laughing matter is so true! We have to laugh together. John and I usually have a good laugh at least once a day! Wasn’t always like this. I […]

Truth #7 – Negativity is a Wish in Disguise

John Behind every negative thought (you are always late) is an unmet desire. And what is an unmet desire if not a wish? Think of a frustration you might have with your partner. What do you typically FEEL when your partner frustrates you in this particular way? Then, what do you typically DO when you […]

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About The Coach

That's how he likes to think of himself - a coach. John Sullivan won't fix your relationship. He gives you the tools to help you build permanent and lasting connections and a deeper intimacy with those in your life.

Services

  • Marriage Counselling – Windsor
  • Couples Therapy – Windsor
  • Relationship Coaching – Windsor
  • Imago Therapy

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P: 519-966-1408 C: 226-346-2503 john@johnsullivancounselling.com
Hours - Mon-Fri 9am to 8pm
Sat. 9am to 5pm

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