• Home
  • About
  • Services
    • Marriage Counselling
    • Couples Therapy
    • Relationship Coaching
    • Imago Therapy
  • Shop
  • FREE Master Class
  • Blog
  • Resources
  • Contact

John Sullivan Counselling

Marriage Counselling and Couples Therapy

P: 519-966-1408   C: 226-346-2503
FREE INITIAL ASSESSMENT

What Conscious Partners Know – 14 & 15

What Conscious Partners Know – 14 and 15 (from Doing Imago Relationship Therapy in the Space-Between)

  1. They need to remove all forms of negativity that show up in the Space-Between; instead of picking a fight and using negativity to get what they want, they ask their partner for a Dialogue. 
  2. They need to do their best to meet the other’s needs and desires, knowing that in doing so they are serving their partner’s and their own best interests.

Remove All Forms of Negativity

  1. They need to remove all forms of negativity that show up in the Space-Between; instead of picking a fight and using negativity to get what they want, they ask their partner for a Dialogue. 

As I have said before, I really think the fastest way forward for any couple is to protect the Space-Between. You cannot keep putting negativity into the Space-Between because negativity causes a disconnect, and what you want is connection. Negativity is to your relationship as cancer is to your body; they both kill. 

Hopefully, you are getting a sense of how all of these statements interconnect. Last week #12 spoke of ‘they need to be intentional and think before they speak.’ You have to be intentional to ask your partner for an Imago Dialogue, but in a conscious relationship, that is what you do. You know the Imago Dialogue Process works (because you have used it in the past and trust it). Believe me, I never liked using the Dialogue Process when we were first introduced to the Imago system.  It was artificial and very structured but over time I realized we could solve issues by using it, so I was ok with it. We just learned to ask each other for a dialogue when we needed to.

Conscious Partners Meet Each Other’s Needs

  1. They need to do their best to meet the other’s needs and desires, knowing that in doing so they are serving their partner’s and their own best interests. 

If I can use myself and my partner as an example, here is how it worked for us. Growing up in a military boarding school, I didn’t learn how to share feelings very well. Crystal, on her part, grew up with an alcoholic father when she was small and so felt her feeling needs weren’t met very well either. Whom does she marry? Someone who couldn’t really meet her very legitimate feeling needs.  But, as we became more conscious, and as I stretched to meet her feeling needs, guess what, I also regained a part of me that was stunted growing up. So even if I cannot connect all the dots, as I stretch to meet my partner’s needs, I truly do believe, I am also helping myself. I am doing it for her, but know that it is also helpful for me.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: conscious partners, imago, imago relationship therapy, imago therapy, negativity, partners, relationships

Relationship Issues

Strategies

Over the next few weeks, I will share some strategies that I originally wrote about in my first book Create the Relationship of Your Dreams (2015). I accidentally came across the book in England when we were there celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary. A friend had the book, which I had completely forgotten about, but […]

What Conscious Partners Know: 24 and 25

This week, we’re exploring What Conscious Partners Know: 24 and 25 They need to acknowledge each other’s “otherness”, accept each other’s differences, affirm each other’s reality, adore each other’s traits, and advocate for each other’s reality and potential. They must differentiate before they can connect, so they accept each other as an “other” and accept […]

What Conscious Partners Know – 22 and 23

Continuing on with What Conscious Partners Know – Chapters 22 and 23 Connecting is sustained by intentionality, so they speak with a positive tone and use only appreciative or neutral words in all transactions, which helps them feel connected most of the time. The sign of a thriving relationship is how quickly partners engage in […]

Older Articles

About The Coach

That's how he likes to think of himself - a coach. John Sullivan won't fix your relationship. He gives you the tools to help you build permanent and lasting connections and a deeper intimacy with those in your life.

Services

  • Marriage Counselling – Windsor
  • Couples Therapy – Windsor
  • Relationship Coaching – Windsor
  • Imago Therapy

Connect

           

Contact

P: 519-966-1408 C: 226-346-2503 john@johnsullivancounselling.com
Hours - Mon-Fri 9am to 8pm
Sat. 9am to 5pm

© Copyright 2016 John Sullivan Counselling · All Rights Reserved · Website by Oliver Marketing · Admin