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John Sullivan Counselling

Marriage Counselling and Couples Therapy

P: 519-966-1408   C: 226-346-2503
FREE INITIAL ASSESSMENT

Coaching VS Therapy or Counselling

Coaching For A Better Relationship

I prefer the word coaching to what I do with couples simply because the words counselling and therapy often carry the connotation that there is something wrong with a person. (“You are the patient and I, the therapist, will fix you.”) With coaching, we work from the belief that there is nothing wrong with you, but sometimes it is what you are doing that isn’t working. I have done a lot of coaching in my career both at the high school and college level. The coaches’ job is to observe what is not working and suggest ways to improve outcomes, and to encourage and support the athletes. The players then do the work.

My original training before shifting to Imago Relationship Therapy was as an Adlerian therapist. Alfred Adler was a contemporary of Freud but broke with Freud very early because he disagreed with him on many of the key concepts in this new enterprise called psychology – the study of human and animal behaviour. Adler would sit face to face rather than behind the patient who was lying on a couch. His assumption was that some of what the client was doing was not working, or at least not working as well as he or she wanted. That is what brought them into the office and that is also my assumption regarding coaching. There is generally nothing wrong with the people who come into the office but some of what they are doing isn’t working as well as they would like. We have coaches for lots of things: golf, all sports really, fitness, business etc. Why not a coach for relationships?

The coach is on the sidelines, the players are on the field. You are in the relationship, you are on the field so to speak, playing the game and you have often been doing it for years. My role as a coach is to encourage you, to teach you new or perhaps different skills to help you improve your game and also to hold you accountable.

Four Important Relationship Skills

All sports use systems and teach skills. I, too, teach clients a different system than they are presently using – Imago Relationship Therapy. And to be successful in say, hockey, players need to learn certain skills just as in relationships. In hockey there are four main skills: skating, shooting, passing and checking. The better and more quickly athletes learn these skills, the more proficient they become. The skills couples need to be successful are also four: they need to learn to communicate safely; to make an appointment for anything potentially negative; to eliminate any negativity – no blame, shame or criticism; and to amplify the positives in the relationship. If couples can learn these four basic skills they will have gone a long way toward creating the relationship of their dreams.

Filed Under: Blog

Relationship Issues

The Space Between – Wonderful/Challenges

In the 2018 edition of Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix and his wife, Helen LaKelly Hunt, place more emphasis on the Space Between than in their earlier books. This shift in emphasis comes from their study of quantum physics, which tells us, everything in the universe is simply energy and it is all […]

Frustrations and the Behavior Change Request Dialogue

One of the hardest pieces for couples to deal with in Imago Relationship therapy is the frustrations with their partner.  Frustrations tend to be at the point of the impasse – what your partner wants from you the most is what gets the most resistance from you. Remember, Imago theory states that a person will […]

Free Masterclass – REMINDER!

REMINDER!  FREE MASTERCLASS “Create Your Dream Relationship” on Zoom with The Relationship Wizard Thursday, March 25, 2021, 1-2 pm    Click HERE to register! On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the best and 1 not so good, how would you rate your relationship? My business card states: The tools are available […]

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About The Coach

That's how he likes to think of himself - a coach. John Sullivan won't fix your relationship. He gives you the tools to help you build permanent and lasting connections and a deeper intimacy with those in your life.

Services

  • Marriage Counselling – Windsor
  • Couples Therapy – Windsor
  • Relationship Coaching – Windsor
  • Imago Therapy

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Contact

P: 519-966-1408 C: 226-346-2503 john@johnsullivancounselling.com
Hours - Mon-Fri 9am to 8pm
Sat. 9am to 5pm

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