Relationship Review: 12 Days of Christmas
Here is a relationship review of my holiday relationship tips. My contention has always been that the tools are available in today’s world to have the relationship of your dreams. I am a coach; and just like I didn’t invent hockey but I can coach it; I didn’t invent Imago Relationship Therapy but I can coach it. The 12 days of Christmas was my way of sharing with you the tools that are available to anyone willing to do the necessary work.
I started with the idea of Safety
Because of your old reptilian brain, which has 500 million year history, if you don’t feel safe you will defend yourself. (Day 1). The Space Between (Day 3) reminded you that your relationship is not just the two of you but the two of you plus the Space Between you; it is a real energy field and you need to protect it. It is sacred space, holy ground.
Imago Relationship Therapy (Day 10) goes on to state, however, that you will probably be with someone who activates old hurts – needs that didn’t get met well growing up. The Imago (the Latin word for image) is an unconscious imprint of the person who loves me, who takes care of me, who meets all my needs. But because your parents weren’t perfect, you are not perfect, I am not perfect, inevitably that imago or imprint will have both positive and negative traits. So, you will of necessity need to learn how to talk to each other in a safe way when negative stuff turns up which it will.– That was Day 2 – The Safe Conversation Process.
Minimuze the Negative
To minimize the negative showing up and to become more conscious, I suggested using a calendar to highlight any negativity – Day 4 and to make sure when negativity does show up, you don’t just unload on your partner, but make an appointment to settle whatever the issue is – Day 8. – Make an appointment for anything negative. Then, when negativity does show up, to reconnect as soon as possible – Day 5. The Reconnecting Process.
Amplify the Positives
Day 6, 7 and 9 encouraged you to refill the Space Between with positives – Amplify the positives; – Have Fun and Celebrate and The Five Love Languages. Harville and Helen, the creators of Imago Relationship Therapy summarize their findings over many years (Day 11), of what they consider the essence of a conscious relationship and here we are on Day 12 seeing how all the pieces fit together.
Day 12: Holiday Relationship Tip
The tools are available to have the relationship of your dreams. The tools are there – the rest is up to you. All the best as you go forward into 2023.