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John Sullivan Counselling

Marriage Counselling and Couples Therapy

P: 519-966-1408   C: 226-346-2503
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EQ – Emotional Quotient

What is the emotional quotient? I came across an article “Wisdom of the Heart, the Face and Facets of EQ” by Deena Kara Schaffer in Alive, Canada’s Natural Health and Wellness Magazine, that reminded me once again of the challenge to become more emotionally aware, so “we can know ourselves better and have more meaningful relationships. Our emotional intelligence speaks to our ability to utilize our emotions in a positive and constructive way, both in relationship to ourselves and to others.”

The challenge for all of us is to “undo how settler colonialism, whiteness, and patriarchy continue to dominate what emotional intelligence means. Our society’s systems and institutions often praise and promote those who exploit, objectify, impose and harm – the same system that touts self-awareness, self-regulation and empathy.”

The Emotional Quotient

From my experience, how emotions show up, are expressed and what they might mean in an intimate partnership, can be quite different depending on what each partner experienced as a child and what it meant to be a boy or girl in that family, society, community or religion. When those differences remain unconscious they can be a source of conflict.

As one couple put it, we sail along pretty well and then out of the blue, the wheels fall off. It is precisely at those times, I tell them, when it is important to go back and explore what happened, using the Imago dialogue which ensures safety. In the Imago system, a cardinal rule is: “Anything negative by appointment only.” Make the appointment go back and make the unconscious, conscious so you don’t repeat the pattern.

Everyone has the capacity to be emotionally intelligent. And thankfully we are never too old to change our emotional ruts and patterns. There is a lot of research to support the fact that our emotional intelligence is integral to our health and in fact can help us live longer.

Filed Under: Blog

Relationship Issues

Shifting Your Relationship Vision to Agenda

One of the first things I ask couples to do when they come to the office is to create a Relationship Vision. If their relationship worked out just the way they wanted, what would it look like? Even couples who are conflicted know what they want. I have each partner write statements beginning with we, […]

Grief is Like Carrying a Stone in Your Pocket

Four weeks ago our niece, age 37, died suddenly of a massive heart attack. Obviously it has been a difficult month. My daughter Clare read this piece at the service and I thought I would share it for any of you who might also be going through a period of grief. I hope it can […]

Automated Program

Remember a few months ago I said, in fact, I think I have probably said it more than once, “I’ve never set a goal I didn’t reach if I set it enough times”. Well, I think I finally made it with the automated program. Relationship Coach As most of you know, I have been a […]

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About The Coach

That's how he likes to think of himself - a coach. John Sullivan won't fix your relationship. He gives you the tools to help you build permanent and lasting connections and a deeper intimacy with those in your life.

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  • Marriage Counselling – Windsor
  • Couples Therapy – Windsor
  • Relationship Coaching – Windsor
  • Imago Therapy

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P: 519-966-1408 C: 226-346-2503 john@johnsullivancounselling.com
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