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John Sullivan Counselling

Marriage Counselling and Couples Therapy

P: 519-966-1408   C: 226-346-2503
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Holiday Relationship Tip 5

The Reconnecting Process

The challenge yesterday was to see whether your relationship received a frowny face or a smiley face for the day.  The next step is to then use a Reconnecting Process. My goal is to have you eliminate all negativity from the Space Between as soon as you can. I encourage couples to go cold turkey, but in order to do that you have to be conscious and aware when there is a negative. That is the calendar’s purpose.

Once couples get familiar with assigning their day a frowny face or smiley face, the next step is to then use a Reconnecting Process to quickly repair and reconnect whenever there is a put-down.

The Various Options to Help Reconnecting:

  1. Ask for a redo. Suppose I say something or do something and right away I know, that wasn’t helpful, I can say to my partner, let me resend that or let me redo whatever it was I didn’t do very well.
  2. Model for your partner how he or she might resend the message so it doesn’t produce a put-down. Again, I could say, you know it would have been more helpful if you had said that in a different tone of voice, or if you had given me a heads up that you needed to talk or maybe if you had waited until I wasn’t so busy, that would have been better for me.
  3. Offer a reconnecting behaviour, like a hug or an apology. If I have said or done something that I realized didn’t work, I can simply apologize, “I’m sorry I said or did that,” or maybe a hug would be enough to send the message you want to reconnect.
  4. If the put-down needs more attention, ask your partner to engage in the Safe Conversation process. It is a way for the two of you to clear the air, but in a safe way. 

Relationship tip 5

If you recognize that you have been negative, use a Reconnecting Process as soon as possible to repair the damage. Negativity causes disconnect and what you want in your relationship is to be connected.

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About The Coach

That's how he likes to think of himself - a coach. John Sullivan won't fix your relationship. He gives you the tools to help you build permanent and lasting connections and a deeper intimacy with those in your life.

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  • Marriage Counselling – Windsor
  • Couples Therapy – Windsor
  • Relationship Coaching – Windsor
  • Imago Therapy

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