Making Marriage Simple 10 Relationship Saving Truths (2013), is a very
personal look at Imago Relationship Therapy as seen through the eyes of
Imago’s creators, Harville Hendrix and his wife Helen LaKelly Hunt. Written with
humor, compassion, and honesty, Making Marriage Simple is a strategic
blueprint for creating a stronger, more satisfying partnership in today’s world.
They take turns, chapter by chapter, explaining how they turned their own
relationship around. Although they were the creators of Imago Relationship
Therapy, at a certain point they realized they were not practicing what they
preached and it almost destroyed their own marriage. As a result, they took a
two-year sabbatical from any public speaking engagements around Imago and
instead focused on their own relationship. I was at the international Imago
convention in Detroit when they resurfaced, much to the relief of all the
participants. They had put themselves through the same exercises and
techniques they had created for others. The magic worked and they did, in fact,
re-create their “previous intimacy but on an even deeper, more profound level.
Our marriage finally became the relationship of our dreams. (and) We believe
everyone has the capacity to create this kind of relationship.”P.4
Here is a list of the 10 Relationship Saving Truths they outline:
Truth #1 Romantic love is a trick
Truth #2 Incompatibility is grounds for marriage
Truth #3 Conflict is growth trying to happen
Truth #4 Being present for each other heals the past
Truth #5 It’s not WHAT you say; it’s HOW you say it
Truth #6 Negativity is invisible abuse
Truth #7 Negativity is a wish in disguise
Truth #8 Your brain has a mind of its own
Truth # 9 Your marriage is a laughing matter
Truth #10 Your marriage is the best life insurance plan
While these statements may seem light-hearted their explication of them
contains profound wisdom and insight.
Last month I reviewed the book The Code of the Extraordinary Mind. In it,
Vishen Lakhiani suggests that extraordinary minds choose to change the world –
to put a dent in the universe. Harville and Helen are likewise saying that If
couples can learn these new relationship skills and put them to use in their own
relationships they too will ‘put a dent in the universe’ in much needed and very
positive ways.
My ambition, as is Harville and Helen’s, is to focus on upriver prevention rather
than downriver cleanup.
“ Downriver issues (teen pregnancy, alcoholism, increased high school dropout
rates, poverty – to name a few) are symptomatic of an unhealthy community.
To go upstream, you’ve got to fix the community. The core of any community is
the family. And the core of the family is the couple. Put simply: Healthy homes
lead to a healthy society. And the way to ensure healthy homes is to have
healthy couples”. (P.138)
Years ago when I first studied with Harville, the mission statement of the Imago
Institute included the question: How do we raise healthier children? Well, who
are the primary role models for children? The parents! The obvious conclusion is
that if that relationship is healthy, less damage will be done to the children who
in turn will do less damage to their children and on and on. By learning to relate
in healthy ways we will have gone a long way toward healing this beautiful
planet of ours.
