The subtitle of my book is Your Playbook for Unlocking the Combination to a Successful Relationship. In the last chapter, I challenge readers to personalize their relationship playbook to fit their strengths and to work on areas where they feel the need.
Every couple has the same four pieces of the combination to a successful relationship: the Space-Between, Safety, the Safe Conversation Process, and the Imago System. The challenge is to customize these tools in the context of their own relationship and implement the four pieces of the combination lock in a way that works for them.
As a coach, whether it was hockey or football, I was privy to many different playbooks, but I always personalized them for our team. The adaptations I made might be to take advantage of the talent I had available at different positions, or to protect against the strengths or take advantage of the weaknesses of the team we were playing the next week. The same will go for you.
You might ask yourselves: What measures will we take, as a couple, to protect the Space-Between? What steps will we take to make our relationship a zone of safety? How will we build the Safe Conversation Process into our lives? and lastly, How will we integrate the insights of Imago Relationship Therapy?
Here is a sample of how one couple personalized their relationship playbook.
The Space-Between
- Decide on a safe word or phrase to signal something went sideways in the Space-Between us and then use the Safe Conversation Process to sort it out.
- Track any negativity on a monthly calendar.
- Fill the Space-Between with three daily appreciations.
The Zone of Safety
- Discuss anything negative by appointment only.
- Use mirroring if either of us is getting defensive.
- Read a book or go to a class together.
The Safe Conversation Process
- Set a time and frequency for practice sessions.
- Start with daily appreciations and mirror each other.
- Schedule a date night once a week.
The System – Imago Relationship Therapy
- Read Getting the Love You Want and do the exercises in the back of the book.
- Discuss the pros and cons of going to therapy and then follow up if appropriate.
- Access other online resources.
The Relationship Coach
At the start of my book, The Relationship Coach, I had couples rate their relationship on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the best and 1 not so good, on the three scales of Safety, Feeling Connected and Feeling Alive and Joyful. How would you rate your relationship now? And if you are not at a 9 or 10 consistently, what do you need to do to get and keep your relationship there all the time? You have the playbook to help you create a great relationship; your job is to practice what you have learned.
As I state on my business card: The tools are available in today’s world to have the relationship of your dreams. All the best as you go forward.
