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John Sullivan Counselling

Marriage Counselling and Couples Therapy

P: 519-966-1408   C: 226-346-2503
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Safety

Imago Exercise #1: Create Safety

The number one priority in Imago Relationship Therapy is to create safety in the relationship. This is so that couples can communicate effectively. What I know for sure, (as Oprah would say), after working with couples for the last 25 years, is that if a person doesn’t feel safe in a relationship he/she will defend him/herself.

Let me take you back to the year 2001 – to 9/11. Shortly after that event, I attended the International Imago Convention being held in Atlanta, Georgia. As the Imago Institute was then in New York and many of the therapists had assisted at ground zero, everyone was affected by what had happened. It was a significant topic of conversation. Something very interesting happened, however, as the week wore on and therapists from all over the world shared their experiences working with couples. By the end of the week, someone expressed what we all intuitively understood. When couples attack each other in a significant relationship it has the same devastating effect as the attack on the Twin Towers.

It is much easier to look at the destruction in New York and express how horrifying it was. When couples attack each other, it is emotionally no different, and yet for some reason, our culture turns a blind eye. Check the movies, TV, the magazines at the checkout counter – we see people criticizing each other or otherwise in an attack mode everywhere. This just doesn’t work. If you attack me or criticize me, what can I do except defend myself? We need to find a better way to communicate.

TO DO

For this month I would encourage you to ask yourself when you have felt the safest with your partner. Identify those times, then take some time to describe them to your partner. Together work at creating more of these safe spaces together. And remember … a relationship can only thrive if both of you feel safe.

Filed Under: Blog

Relationship Issues

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Over the next few weeks, I will share some strategies that I originally wrote about in my first book Create the Relationship of Your Dreams (2015). I accidentally came across the book in England when we were there celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary. A friend had the book, which I had completely forgotten about, but […]

What Conscious Partners Know: 24 and 25

This week, we’re exploring What Conscious Partners Know: 24 and 25 They need to acknowledge each other’s “otherness”, accept each other’s differences, affirm each other’s reality, adore each other’s traits, and advocate for each other’s reality and potential. They must differentiate before they can connect, so they accept each other as an “other” and accept […]

What Conscious Partners Know – 22 and 23

Continuing on with What Conscious Partners Know – Chapters 22 and 23 Connecting is sustained by intentionality, so they speak with a positive tone and use only appreciative or neutral words in all transactions, which helps them feel connected most of the time. The sign of a thriving relationship is how quickly partners engage in […]

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About The Coach

That's how he likes to think of himself - a coach. John Sullivan won't fix your relationship. He gives you the tools to help you build permanent and lasting connections and a deeper intimacy with those in your life.

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  • Marriage Counselling – Windsor
  • Couples Therapy – Windsor
  • Relationship Coaching – Windsor
  • Imago Therapy

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P: 519-966-1408 C: 226-346-2503 john@johnsullivancounselling.com
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