Typically when we think of a relationship we think of two people. I am suggesting that you begin to think of your relationship as the two of you plus the space between you. You might say: “Isn’t that just empty space.” Yes and No. It is just empty space but it is more! The Space Between is an energy field and it is real. You can tell, can’t you, when there is tension between you or when the energy field is fun and free flowing. We have sayings like: “You can cut the tension with a knife” or “I got a bad feeling just walking in there.”
Because energy fields are not just between two people; they are all around us. Go into a restaurant, or bar or any space really and you can pick up the vibes pretty quickly whether they be fun, dangerous, happy or tense. I can often tell when a couple comes into my office what kind of day (or week – or just the last half hour) has been by their body language. And if I can pick it up, for sure they are aware of the energy in the Space Between.
A skill I ask couples to practice is no negativity in the Space Between – no blame, shame or criticism. This is actually the skill I think most couples are having the hardest time with and I think that is because for the most part it is unconscious. They are not even aware of their negativity. Originally I thought the reason was that if they have been married for 5 or 10 years they have probably have built up some bad habits and they probably have. But now I think it goes back farther; it goes back to the first 18 years, because many of us did grow up in homes where there was negativity and criticism, and as well our culture tends to be pretty negative and critical, and we just assume this is normal. But then we unconsciously bring that attitude and the behaviours we have learned into the relationship and they don’t work.
As couples become more conscious they first of all start to recognize their non productive patterns of behaviour and then learn to make different choices about how they treat the Space Between. There is plenty of negativity out there; we don’t need to bring any into our intimate relationship. It is Sacred Space – Holy Ground – no negativity in the Space Between.