The Wellness Journey takes couples from feeling – not heard, frustrated and not respected (Pain Island) to where they do feel loved, cared for, important and joyful (Pleasure Island). If you are experiencing these challenges in your relationship or if you know of anyone who is please don’t hesitate to share this information. The tools are available to have the relationship of your dreams.
Last week I had you create a vision, a goal of what your ideal relationship would look like. Today I want to look at the second challenge on Re-energize – identifying any possible exits and changing frustrations to requests.
What I often see when there is too much negativity in a relationship, couples start to avoid each other. Who wants to go into a toxic space? The challenge here is to identify how you avoid – when you are upset with your partner or to avoid intimacy. Exits are feelings acted out. I don’t say I don’t want to be with you but I end up watching TV, or cleaning or staying late at work. In a conscious relationship, there are no exits – all the energy that belongs in the relationship stays in the relationship. That doesn’t mean you can’t watch TV or play with the kids, but you are not doing those things to avoid dealing with an issue. If you have questions type in EXITS in the chat box and I will connect with you on Messenger.
Often the avoidance is around frustrations you might have with your partner. The challenge here is to move your frustration to a request. The interesting thing about most frustrations is that they don’t typically bother our partner as much as they bother us. The harder question then is to ask why? Why is what he or she is doing bothering me so much? What I know after all these years is that frequently a present day frustration has roots in childhood.
And since I don’t want to hurt my partner the way she was as a child, if I can make the connection between what I am doing now and her childhood hurt, I am more willing to meet a request she might make of me.
Make your request specific, positive and time limited. i.e. it is not for the next 10 years but, for example, for the next week can you please call me if you are going to be more than 15 minutes late.
If you have questions, type in FRUSTRATIONS in the chat box and I will get back to you.
The second challenge on Re-energize is to make sure all the exits are closed – you commit to this person, this relationship and this process (using the Safe Conversation process to deal with any outstanding issues) and then shift any frustrations to a specific, positive and time limited request.
Remember the Special offer. Right now, I only have room to personally coach 5 new couples on their wellness journey. This offer closes Nov. 30. After that you will go on a waiting list until after Christmas when a further 5 spaces will open up.