Do any of you know a friend, a family member or a business associate who is struggling in their relationship? We all do, don’t we?
I am John Sullivan and I am a relationship coach. I truly believe, from my own experience and from working with couples over the past 25 years, that the tools are available in today’s world to have a great relationship. I coach couples, using a 5 step system, to help them create the relationship of their dreams.
Step one assesses where a couple is at, and if they are willing to do the necessary work to achieve their goals.
Step two looks at the absolute necessity of safety in any great relationship. Why safety? It is part of our DNA. Reading this right now you are using the rational, cerebral part of your brain but we all also have a brain stem which we share with all animals. The brain stem is simply concerned with survival – is it safe or is it dangerous? If dangerous, it will defend itself. And that is 500 million years of survival. We aren’t going to change that.
Over millions of years, nature has learned there is a better to chance to survive if you explode your energy outwards (based on the concept of the fight or flight), or rather if you constrict your energy inwards to hide, freeze, or submit. And then as we often see, individuals on each end of this extreme marry each other. This different expression of energy often becomes one of the causes of the power struggle.
Step three looks at a system explaining why two people are attracted to each other in the first place, called Imago Relationship Therapy. Developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix and his wife, Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt over thirty years ago, it has stood the test of time. Their book, Getting the Love You Want, has sold over two million copies and been translated into 50 languages and they have trained over 2,000 Imago therapists in 35 countries.
Step four details the four key skills couples need to learn to keep their relationship safe. They learn how: to communicate safely, to make sure that anything negative is expressed by appointment only, to eliminate anything negative (no blame, shame or criticism), and to amplify the positives in the relationship.
Finally, step five is an evaluation of progress and a celebration of the work to date at creating the relationship of their dreams.
Originally published in BizX Magazine. To read the full issue, click HERE.
I invite you to schedule a FREE Skype consultation with me to see if Relationship Coaching is right for you!
You can contact me by phone at 519-966-1408 or email john@johnsullivancounselling.com
