Twos are motivated by the need to be loved and valued and to express positive feelings toward others. The Helper often is in the helping professions because they tune into how others are feeling and know what others need to make their lives better. They want the world to be a more caring place. The down side is they can have a hard time saying no and therefore can burn themselves out taking care of everybody else – but not themselves.
You can see how it helps to be aware if you are a two on the Enneagram. A two who is unaware can fall into the trap of not taking care of him/herself, denying their own needs and then feeling resentful that “I am taking care of everyone, who is taking care of me?” Whereas a two who is conscious of his or her type can give themselves some of the attention and care they usually give to others.
Movement to Four and Eight
The movement for a two is to four and eight. By moving to the positive side of four (the Romantic) they learn how to express their own needs more including saying no and finding other sources of self- worth besides helping. Moving toward the positive side of eight (The Asserter) they feel more self-confident and powerful and become less concerned with other’s opinions of them. The Wings for two are three (the Achiever) and one (the Perfectionist).
Twos with a stronger 3 wing tend to be more self-aware, ambitious, outgoing and competitive. They are better able to set goals and then work towards them. Twos with a stronger one wing tend to be more idealistic, objective, self-critical and judgmental.
What Twos Would Never Do
Remember I said that a clue to your type might be found by looking at things you typically would not do. From The Enneagram Made Easy, here are some things twos would never dream of doing:
- Refusing to smile at anyone for a month
- Accepting all compliments with a simple “thank you” and not discounting them, brushing them off, or explaining why they weren’t deserved
- Not wanting to take home an adorable kitten they had found
- Do not want to pay friends back tenfold after the friends had done them a favor
- Don’t seem to give a second thought to a co-worker’s snub
- Telling a friend they couldn’t give them a ride to the airport, and not giving or making up any excuses
- Saying only a simple “good-bye” and not adding “good luck”, “stay well” or “have a nice day!”
An Example of Twos
I think of a good friend of mine, who was a two. He is dead now but was a great counsellor and therapist. We lived together for five years and, whenever I had a client or student who had a problem I didn’t know how to deal with, I would turn them over to him. He invariably would be able to help. He was very much of the mindset that the client knew, at some level, the answer to their problem, seeiung his job as helping them find the answer and become more independent and responsible for their own behaviour. So there you have it. For more information go to my wife’s website Journey to Inner Wisdom. Next week #3.