What Conscious Partners Know – 14 and 15 (from Doing Imago Relationship Therapy in the Space-Between)
- They need to remove all forms of negativity that show up in the Space-Between; instead of picking a fight and using negativity to get what they want, they ask their partner for a Dialogue.
- They need to do their best to meet the other’s needs and desires, knowing that in doing so they are serving their partner’s and their own best interests.
Remove All Forms of Negativity
- They need to remove all forms of negativity that show up in the Space-Between; instead of picking a fight and using negativity to get what they want, they ask their partner for a Dialogue.
As I have said before, I really think the fastest way forward for any couple is to protect the Space-Between. You cannot keep putting negativity into the Space-Between because negativity causes a disconnect, and what you want is connection. Negativity is to your relationship as cancer is to your body; they both kill.
Hopefully, you are getting a sense of how all of these statements interconnect. Last week #12 spoke of ‘they need to be intentional and think before they speak.’ You have to be intentional to ask your partner for an Imago Dialogue, but in a conscious relationship, that is what you do. You know the Imago Dialogue Process works (because you have used it in the past and trust it). Believe me, I never liked using the Dialogue Process when we were first introduced to the Imago system. It was artificial and very structured but over time I realized we could solve issues by using it, so I was ok with it. We just learned to ask each other for a dialogue when we needed to.
Conscious Partners Meet Each Other’s Needs
- They need to do their best to meet the other’s needs and desires, knowing that in doing so they are serving their partner’s and their own best interests.
If I can use myself and my partner as an example, here is how it worked for us. Growing up in a military boarding school, I didn’t learn how to share feelings very well. Crystal, on her part, grew up with an alcoholic father when she was small and so felt her feeling needs weren’t met very well either. Whom does she marry? Someone who couldn’t really meet her very legitimate feeling needs. But, as we became more conscious, and as I stretched to meet her feeling needs, guess what, I also regained a part of me that was stunted growing up. So even if I cannot connect all the dots, as I stretch to meet my partner’s needs, I truly do believe, I am also helping myself. I am doing it for her, but know that it is also helpful for me.
