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John Sullivan Counselling

Marriage Counselling and Couples Therapy

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The 5 Love Languages

In the next few blogs, I will examine Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. He wrote the book 31 years ago but his insights still provide assistance to anyone in a committed relationship. Gary believes that we tend to share how we both give and receive love in five major ways. We all use all of them, but the traffic seems to be heavier in one or two of the ways more than the others. He likens the different ways of sharing and receiving love to languages. If I am speaking English, for example, but my native tongue is French or Spanish or Italian or German it makes it more difficult to communicate. Not impossible, but less easy!

Book Highlights

The five love languages Chapman highlights are

  1. Physical touch
  2. Acts of service
  3. Quality time
  4. Words of affirmation
  5. Receiving gifts

If a couple doesn’t really understand the main language their partner uses to give and receive love, it can surely make it more difficult to communicate effectively. I had a great example in the office a few months ago. The fellow was busy renovating their old home while building their new home, plus working full time. He was showing his love for his partner in the way he knew best (acts of service). Guess what her main love language was?  Quality time.

Once they better understood their partner’s love language they made adjustments. She didn’t want him to stop all he was doing but she needed some quality time with him too, which he was more than willing to commit to. He would not work as late in the evening and they would have time together even if it was only 15 or 20 minutes. They also knew this was temporary; once the new house was built and the old one sold, he now knew how important quality time was for his partner.  Does that make sense?

5 Love Languages: My Examination

Over the next few weeks, I’ll dive deeper into each of the five love languages. Chapman begins with words of affirmation so we will start there. He quotes Mark Twain who once said,” I can live for two months on a good compliment,” and goes on to say: “If we take Twain literally, six compliments a year would have kept his emotional love tank at the operational level. Your spouse will probably need more.” I would agree, six compliments a year probably wouldn’t do it for most folks.

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: 5 love languages, acts of service, affirmation, couples, gifts, love, love languages, quality time, relationships, touch

Relationship Issues

What Conscious Partners Know: 24 and 25

This week, we’re exploring What Conscious Partners Know: 24 and 25 They need to acknowledge each other’s “otherness”, accept each other’s differences, affirm each other’s reality, adore each other’s traits, and advocate for each other’s reality and potential. They must differentiate before they can connect, so they accept each other as an “other” and accept […]

What Conscious Partners Know – 22 and 23

Continuing on with What Conscious Partners Know – Chapters 22 and 23 Connecting is sustained by intentionality, so they speak with a positive tone and use only appreciative or neutral words in all transactions, which helps them feel connected most of the time. The sign of a thriving relationship is how quickly partners engage in […]

Appreciations: Harville and Helen

I have said this before but I think it is worth repeating:  I truly believe the fastest way forward for any couple is to protect the Space-Between them. It is a real energy field, and you can tell, can’t you, when there is tension in the Space-Between? It is either tension-free or it is not. […]

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About The Coach

That's how he likes to think of himself - a coach. John Sullivan won't fix your relationship. He gives you the tools to help you build permanent and lasting connections and a deeper intimacy with those in your life.

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  • Marriage Counselling – Windsor
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