In the 2018 edition of Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix and his wife, Helen LaKelly Hunt, place more emphasis on the Space Between than in their earlier books. This shift in emphasis comes from their study of quantum physics, which tells us, everything in the universe is simply energy and it is all connected. We generally think of a relationship as you and you – two people, but there is an energy field between partners that is real. The Space Between is not just a metaphor but rather a tiny bit of the reality that is our universe.
On a more practical level, when I ask clients if they can tell when there is tension in the Space Between, they all know. They also know when that energy field is fun and free flowing. If you think of your relationship, then, not just as the two of you, but as the two of you plus the Space Between, it becomes even more imperative that you keep that energy field between you free from all negativity. No blame, shame or criticism in the Space Between. Treat it as Sacred Space, Holy Ground, and when you do, that is where the healing can happen. “We are wounded in relationship. We can heal only in relationship. This is why we have to answer the call to become each other’s healers. And it all begins with what you choose to put in the Space Between.”(Making Marriage Simple, p. 57)
Here is a little exercise for you:
- List as many thoughts, feelings and behaviors as you can that describe the positive things in your Between, the things that are WONDFERFUL. These are things that bring safety, connection, and/or passion into your relationship like: respect, love, co-parenting, date nights.
- List as many thoughts, feelings, and behaviors as you can that describe the negative things in your Between, the things that are CHALLENGING. These are the things that bring doubt, disconnection, and/or upset into your relationship, like: distrust, criticizing, lack of intimacy, no fun.
- Share with your partner how THEY contribute to what is wonderful in your relationship. Follow that up with how YOU contribute to the challenges.
- Finally, explore some ideas together on how you both can increase the wonderful and remove the challenges so that you create safety in the Between, transforming it into Sacred Space.