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John Sullivan Counselling

Marriage Counselling and Couples Therapy

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2 Possible Solutions for Relationship Issues

Here, we will explore 2 possible solutions for relationship issues. If the past does affect the present as Imago theory contends, then especially at the start, you are probably going to be partnered with someone who will trigger old negative feelings, often unintentionally  (like the feeling of “being dismissed”). Therefore, you will need to come up with solutions so these same feelings don’t get triggered again, or if they do, the results are minimized. There are two suggestions I have found helpful for couples.

2 Possible Solutions for Relationship Issues

  1. In a more conscious relationship, even if my partner does something I deem negative, what can I do to get a different outcome?  This is not necessarily easy, but it is possible. Suppose, for example, my partner does something that in the past would take us down the rabbit hole, and I don’t want to go there, what can I do to get a different outcome?
  2. You could tell your partner what would be more helpful for you, the next time a similar situation crops up. If you could do A, B, or C, that would be more helpful for me. And your partner could then ask you to do X, Y or Z in the same situation. The key here is that the change you are asking for, is not for the next 10 years, BUT FOR THE NEXT WEEK OR TWO. If it doesn’t work, throw it out and try something else, but try something different.

Becoming More Conscious

The critical factor here is becoming more conscious, more aware.  As couples become more conscious, they can then choose to change counter-productive behaviours into more productive ones. However, in order for change to occur, couples need to learn to talk with their partners. Talk about anything, but in a safe manner. Next week we will look at the absolute importance of safety in an intimate relationship. I am not talking about just physical safety which is a given, but emotional and psychological safety.

Filed Under: Blog

Relationship Issues

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What Conscious Partners Know – 18 and 19

What Conscious Partners Know – 18 and 19 Having a healthy relationship is the best thing they can do for their physical and emotional health. The quality of their relationship shapes the relational, emotional, and cognitive future of their children, if they have any. Having a Healthy Relationship Having a healthy relationship is the best […]

What Conscious Partners Know (con’t): 16 and 17

We are continuing our journey of moving a relationship from the unconscious, old brain, reactive modality to the conscious, new brain, and intentional modality. Along that path, there are many concepts that conscious partners incorporate into their relationship.  Being conscious means taking responsibility for (only) their own behaviour and allowing room for their partner’s flawed […]

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About The Coach

That's how he likes to think of himself - a coach. John Sullivan won't fix your relationship. He gives you the tools to help you build permanent and lasting connections and a deeper intimacy with those in your life.

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  • Marriage Counselling – Windsor
  • Couples Therapy – Windsor
  • Relationship Coaching – Windsor
  • Imago Therapy

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