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John Sullivan Counselling

Marriage Counselling and Couples Therapy

P: 519-966-1408   C: 226-346-2503
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2 Possible Solutions for Relationship Issues

Here, we will explore 2 possible solutions for relationship issues. If the past does affect the present as Imago theory contends, then especially at the start, you are probably going to be partnered with someone who will trigger old negative feelings, often unintentionally  (like the feeling of “being dismissed”). Therefore, you will need to come up with solutions so these same feelings don’t get triggered again, or if they do, the results are minimized. There are two suggestions I have found helpful for couples.

2 Possible Solutions for Relationship Issues

  1. In a more conscious relationship, even if my partner does something I deem negative, what can I do to get a different outcome?  This is not necessarily easy, but it is possible. Suppose, for example, my partner does something that in the past would take us down the rabbit hole, and I don’t want to go there, what can I do to get a different outcome?
  2. You could tell your partner what would be more helpful for you, the next time a similar situation crops up. If you could do A, B, or C, that would be more helpful for me. And your partner could then ask you to do X, Y or Z in the same situation. The key here is that the change you are asking for, is not for the next 10 years, BUT FOR THE NEXT WEEK OR TWO. If it doesn’t work, throw it out and try something else, but try something different.

Becoming More Conscious

The critical factor here is becoming more conscious, more aware.  As couples become more conscious, they can then choose to change counter-productive behaviours into more productive ones. However, in order for change to occur, couples need to learn to talk with their partners. Talk about anything, but in a safe manner. Next week we will look at the absolute importance of safety in an intimate relationship. I am not talking about just physical safety which is a given, but emotional and psychological safety.

Filed Under: Blog

Relationship Issues

No. 1 The Perfectionist

Are you a perfectionist or reformer? The Enneagram suggests that there are 9 basic human types. The different types are characterized by the numbers 1-9 as points on a circle. As humans, we all participate in all the types. You can start to figure out your type as the  number “where the traffic is heaviest”. […]

The Enneagram

I often tell couples that half of what I do in the office is to help them become more conscious – more aware, and while much of what we do is couple’s stuff, some of it is individual stuff. We are all bent out of shape to some degree or other and part of my […]

Shifting Your Relationship Vision to Agenda

One of the first things I ask couples to do when they come to the office is to create a Relationship Vision. If their relationship worked out just the way they wanted, what would it look like? Even couples who are conflicted know what they want. I have each partner write statements beginning with we, […]

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About The Coach

That's how he likes to think of himself - a coach. John Sullivan won't fix your relationship. He gives you the tools to help you build permanent and lasting connections and a deeper intimacy with those in your life.

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  • Marriage Counselling – Windsor
  • Couples Therapy – Windsor
  • Relationship Coaching – Windsor
  • Imago Therapy

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P: 519-966-1408 C: 226-346-2503 john@johnsullivancounselling.com
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