By the end of the book readers would know that Harville likes Star Trek and that one of his favorite characters is the Vulcan, Mister Spock. In fact, Harville credits Spock with summing up what he and Helen do. “It was Spock’s good-bye blessing that inspired me: Live long and prosper, and let peace be in your land.” (p.122)
“What Helen and I want most in the world is to help couples ‘live long and prosper’. We want this for your happiness and fulfillment. And also because we know it is the best way to ‘let peace be in our land’.
The Marriage Advantage
From the start, Helen and I believed that a healthy marriage has far-ranging benefits, not just for individuals, but for society. But we didn’t have the facts to prove it. So we began collecting statistics. And we’re constantly finding new studies that confirm what we’ve intuited for years.” (p.122)
“Over the last fifty years, scientists have been documenting what has come to be called the ‘marriage advantage’. Why is it called this? Because married people, on average, are healthier, live longer, enjoy higher incomes, and raise healthier families. And this is true for most marriages, whether they are ‘happy’ or not.” (123)
What the Studies Show
The rest of the chapter outlines what the studies consistently show. Re: physical health: “Married people are less likely to get pneumonia, have surgery, develop cancer, or have heart attacks.” (p.124) How about children? “Children whose parents are married tend to be more academically successful, more emotionally stable, and more often assume leadership roles. Children with married parents also do less drugs and commit fewer crimes.” (p.125)
Let’s explore the subject of money. “Married households have, on average, about double the income and four times the net worth of the divorced or never married.” (p. 126) The next finding is a really big surprise. It turns out that married people have more sex and a better quality of sex than single, divorced, or cohabiting individuals.” (p.127)”
The Impacts of a Happy Marriage
It is amazing to realize that these marriage advantage benefits apply to most run-of-the-mill marriages. But Helen and I think this is because it is hard to quantify the impacts of ‘happy’ marriages. We do know that stressful marriages have been shown to lower immunity and increase depression.
Stressful Marriage
In fact, a recent study suggests that a stressful marriage can be as bad on the heart as a regular smoking habit. What this tells Helen and me is that it’s probably the stronger marriages that offer these tremendous advantages in your life- and by building healthy, strong marriages the impacts would be off the charts! So why not go for the gold?” (.128)
Going back to the title for this chapter, it does seem that marriage is your best life insurance plan. “So don’t stay on the sidelines, reading this book while continuing to wish your partner were different. Be the change you wish to see. Start modeling for your partner the spirit of kindness you long for them to bring to you.
Start it, and your partner will join you in time.
Safety is contagious. Laughter is contagious. Lightness is contagious.
Love is contagious.” (p.129)
