In the next few blogs, I will examine Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. He wrote the book 31 years ago but his insights still provide assistance to anyone in a committed relationship. Gary believes that we tend to share how we both give and receive love in five major ways. We all use all of them, but the traffic seems to be heavier in one or two of the ways more than the others. He likens the different ways of sharing and receiving love to languages. If I am speaking English, for example, but my native tongue is French or Spanish or Italian or German it makes it more difficult to communicate. Not impossible, but less easy!
Book Highlights
The five love languages Chapman highlights are
- Physical touch
- Acts of service
- Quality time
- Words of affirmation
- Receiving gifts
If a couple doesn’t really understand the main language their partner uses to give and receive love, it can surely make it more difficult to communicate effectively. I had a great example in the office a few months ago. The fellow was busy renovating their old home while building their new home, plus working full time. He was showing his love for his partner in the way he knew best (acts of service). Guess what her main love language was? Quality time.
Once they better understood their partner’s love language they made adjustments. She didn’t want him to stop all he was doing but she needed some quality time with him too, which he was more than willing to commit to. He would not work as late in the evening and they would have time together even if it was only 15 or 20 minutes. They also knew this was temporary; once the new house was built and the old one sold, he now knew how important quality time was for his partner. Does that make sense?
5 Love Languages: My Examination
Over the next few weeks, I’ll dive deeper into each of the five love languages. Chapman begins with words of affirmation so we will start there. He quotes Mark Twain who once said,” I can live for two months on a good compliment,” and goes on to say: “If we take Twain literally, six compliments a year would have kept his emotional love tank at the operational level. Your spouse will probably need more.” I would agree, six compliments a year probably wouldn’t do it for most folks.
