The 12 days of Christmas Relationship Tips

4. A Calendar

Yesterday’s tip was zero negativity in the Space Between – it is holy ground, sacred space. And then I went on to say – check with your partner at the end of the day – did either of you experience negativity?

Here is another challenge for you. Get a monthly calendar and put it in a place where you can see it. At the end of the day, get together with your partner and share whether your relationship got a “negative” that day. Any negativity in the Space Between counts. If there was something negative draw a frowny face on the day; if no, draw a smiley face on the day.

I know this might sound a bit funky. But what it does, is it a) makes the unconscious conscious of any negativity that might occur in the Space Between and b) is a strong visual to remind you of anything negative that might have gone on. My goal is to have couples stop any negativity cold turkey. You can’t keep putting negativity into the Space Between – negativity causes disconnect and what you want to do as a couple, is connect. 

I introduced this to couples a year or so ago and the results have been pretty positive. At first, there was resistance but after a few weeks of having to draw frowny faces, couples realized how much negativity was in fact going on. I think eliminating negativity is the hardest bit for couples because to some extent it can be unconscious. The caveat, of course, is that it is the person on the receiving end who determines if it was negative or not. I might think I was just kidding but if it doesn’t work for my partner, I am the one who needs to change.

Relationship tip 4

Every night for the rest of the 12 days of Christmas enter a frowny or smiley face on that day on your calendar depending if anything negative went down or not. Tomorrow is the Reconnecting Process.