Anything Negative by Appointment Only
Think about the negative from your old brain point of view. If I don’t know when the attack is coming or where the arrow is coming from, for sure I will have my armour on. It is hard to be intimate when you are both clanking around the same house with your armour on.
Prepare for the negative
If there is something negative that you need to talk to your partner about, just ask for an appointment. “There is something I need to talk to you about, is now a good time?” Because it might not be for your partner. They might be too tired, busy, or just not ready to talk. No problem. But if you are the one who is not ready to talk at the moment, it is up to you to set another time. “Can you give me 15 minutes, or let’s do it tomorrow or on the weekend.” Then you need to come to your partner and say, “OK I’m ready to hear whatever it is you have to say” because otherwise, your partner has to chase you which isn’t fair.
Couples sometimes look at me a bit like a deer in the headlights – and ask, what would that look like? Well, I say, when I go home at night I can just hang out. There are no arrows coming, I’m not going to get zinged. 32 years. Pretty nice. But if either Crystal or I have something that we need to talk about – Let’s go for a coffee and then we have the same Safe Conversation process you have. I am not asking you to do anything I don’t do with my partner.
Relationship Tip 8
If there is anything that might be negative in the next 4 days of the 12 days of Christmas, ask your partner for an appointment before you just unload. And then use the Safe Conversation process to take care of whatever it is that needs talking about.