In 2013 Harville Hendrix and his wife, Helen LaKelly Hunt, wrote the little book Making Marriage Simple, 10 Relationship Saving Truths. “We’ve distilled the key concepts of our original book Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, and added the most important relationship wisdom we’ve discovered since.” (p.1) The book is aimed at “every couple out there who is honest enough to admit that their relationship could be better, and who is committed to doing what it takes to build the relationship of their dreams.” (p.x) If you have been following my blogs you definitely qualify.
This is my first blog since July and for that, I apologize. I was pretty sick for a couple of months with very little energy. I wasn’t seeing clients or doing any writing but I seem to be over the worst of it now, so here goes.
The Next 10 Weeks
Over the next 10 weeks or so I will be working my way through their book with you. I have said many times and my business card states: The tools are available in today’s world to have the relationship of your dreams. I truly believe that, not just from a theoretical point of view but from my personal experience. In their introduction the authors share: “Congratulations, you are part of something really big!” (p.1) And what is that? “You are being invited into the forefront of what we believe is a Relationship Revolution.” (p.1)
History of Relationships
They begin by taking a quick look at the history of relationships. Broadly speaking that history falls into three distinct sections.
- In pre-history, our hunter-gatherer ancestors formed pair bonds, basically for survival.
- Then, about eleven thousand years ago the hunter-gatherers settled down and became farmers. The concept of ‘property’ evolved, mainly concerning land but, unfortunately, grew to include women and children and slaves. Most marriages were arranged “to protect the stuff one already had, while hopefully better positioning one to acquire even more”. (p.2) Generally, love was not a part of the equation.
- In the eighteenth century the romantic, or personal choice, marriage was born. One left over, however, from the arranged marriage was the concept of gender inequality. And as more opportunities opened for women, this model, the authors call the dominator/submissive model, was threatened.
The Birth of a New Relationship Model
What you, the reader, and I, are involved in now, is the birth of a new model for relationships, the Partnership Marriage. “Both partners are free and equal. They consciously promote each other’s psychological and spiritual growth. In so doing, they experience the ultimate communion possible between humans.” (p.4) And I would agree. I tell my couples that what they are doing is really quite exceptional. Your buddies aren’t doing what I am coaching you to do.
The authors conclude their Introduction: “We truly believe if you practice the concepts outlined in this book, you will create the marriage of your dreams. And you will be joining thousands of others couples who are quietly working on the Relationship Revolution.” (p.5) The authors take turns writing the 10 chapters and at the end of each chapter they include a simple exercise designed to help you put the concepts you’re learning into practice. Next week, Truth # 1 written by Helen, is entitled Romantic Love Is a Trick.
