“We wrote this book (Making Marriage Simple 10 Relationship Saving Truths) to share with you the culmination of our work so far. Our goal was to give you the most simple and effective ways to make your marriage great. We’ve offered you ten powerful truths to change your understanding about what makes relationship work (or not).” (p.135) Harville and Helen
The Partnership Marriage
If you as a couple are using some of the information I’ve shared from their book, you really are part of the “Relationship Revolution”. The Partnership Marriage is the next stage in the evolution of relationships. And it is about time isn’t it that men and women are seen and treated, and treat each other, as equals in all regards.
The author’s contention is that getting the marriage piece right will have tremendous impacts all across the board. Here is an example:
The Cost of Divorce
“Estimates on the average cost of divorce in the United States range from $15,000 to $30,000. Divorce and unwed childbearing cost American taxpayers an estimated $112 billion each year, and at least $1 trillion over a decade. And it is our taxes that fund the agencies bearing the burden of these costs.
According to a special report: ‘even very small increases in stable marriage rates would result in very large returns to taxpayers’. For example, a mere 1 percent reduction in rates of family fragmentation would save taxpayers $1.12 billion annually. One percent! And our government could have an extra billion plus a year to spend on other things.” (p.136-137)
They go on to say: “As we deliberately expand the marriage advantage into our culture, we offer five final truths to aid in this transformation!!” (p.137) A pretty good deal – buy a book with 10 relationship-saving truths and get another five tossed in. The first of the five final truths deals with a concept I have espoused for years.
Healthy Marriages Are The Ultimate Upstream Prevention
Think about it. If a river needs cleaning up, it is important to do the cleanup. But even more important, is to look further upstream and eliminate what is causing the pollution in the first place. Similarly in life: issues like teenage pregnancies, an increased high school drop-out rate, a rise in crime and drug use, alcoholism, and lack of respect for people and the environment, to name a few, are major issues in many Canadian cities. Focusing on these issues is the downriver cleanup and costs taxpayers a lot.
Years ago when I first trained with Harville, the mantra of the Imago Institute was: “How do we raise healthier kids?” Well, who are the most important models for children if not the parents? If parents have a healthier relationship, they will do less damage to their children who in turn will do less damage to their children, and slowly (or quickly) we build a community, a nation, a world that is transformed – that is less negative and more empathic. And many of those downriver problems might be lessened or eliminated.
Creating a Healthy Relationship
They conclude this section with:
“Downriver issues are symptomatic of an unhealthy community.
To go upstream, you’ve got to fix the community.
The core of any community is the family.
And the core of the family is the couples.
Put simply: Healthy homes lead to a healthy society. And the way to ensure healthy homes is to have healthy couples.” (p.138)
Next week I’ll explore the next two of their final five truths. 2) Healthy relationships create strong individuals and 3) Couplehood as a spiritual path.
