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John Sullivan Counselling

Marriage Counselling and Couples Therapy

P: 519-966-1408   C: 226-346-2503
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Holiday Relationship Tip 6

Amplify the Positives

On Day 1, I introduced the first holiday relationship tip in this series, the importance of safety in any committed relationship. One way to increase safety is to increase pleasure. Now you would think that is a fairly obvious equation, safety equals pleasure, but there is a part of our culture that distrusts when things are going too well. We have sayings like: “It is too good to be true,” “Knock on wood,” or “Wait for the next shoe to drop”. I am saying, no; the more nice things you can do for your partner the safer it becomes. In the office we have exercises around saying nice things to your partner, doing nice things for them, surprising them pleasantly, and having fun together. 

Appreciating Your Partner

Today I want to focus on appreciating your partner. Build connection by acknowledging the special things your partner does for you. I encourage couples to say these out loud:  “thanks a lot, or I really appreciated it when you did such and such or you look great, etc.” Again from an old brain’s point of view, if I am constantly hearing, “thanks a lot, or I really appreciated that”, my old brain can relax, this is not the enemy over there, it is my ally, we are on the same team.

A challenge my wife and I took up a year or so ago was: three appreciations a day for a month with no repetitions. Crystal is a great cook, so I could say, that was a great meal, can’t use that one again. What it made both of us realize was just how much we do for each other but which could be taken for granted. It forced both of us to really pay attention and we both clearly benefited from the exercise.

Relationship tip 6

Today’s tip is to give your partner three appreciations each day for the rest of the 12 days of Christmas. Pay attention to the special things your partner does for you and acknowledge them verbally. You are refilling the Space Between with positive energy.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: appreciation, committed relationshp, relationship, relationship coaching, relationship tips

Relationship Issues

What Conscious Partners Know: 24 and 25

This week, we’re exploring What Conscious Partners Know: 24 and 25 They need to acknowledge each other’s “otherness”, accept each other’s differences, affirm each other’s reality, adore each other’s traits, and advocate for each other’s reality and potential. They must differentiate before they can connect, so they accept each other as an “other” and accept […]

What Conscious Partners Know – 22 and 23

Continuing on with What Conscious Partners Know – Chapters 22 and 23 Connecting is sustained by intentionality, so they speak with a positive tone and use only appreciative or neutral words in all transactions, which helps them feel connected most of the time. The sign of a thriving relationship is how quickly partners engage in […]

Appreciations: Harville and Helen

I have said this before but I think it is worth repeating:  I truly believe the fastest way forward for any couple is to protect the Space-Between them. It is a real energy field, and you can tell, can’t you, when there is tension in the Space-Between? It is either tension-free or it is not. […]

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About The Coach

That's how he likes to think of himself - a coach. John Sullivan won't fix your relationship. He gives you the tools to help you build permanent and lasting connections and a deeper intimacy with those in your life.

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  • Marriage Counselling – Windsor
  • Couples Therapy – Windsor
  • Relationship Coaching – Windsor
  • Imago Therapy

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