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Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, creators of Imago Relationship Therapy, help couples make sense of the conflict that can show up in their relationship. They posit that we unconsciously tend to be attracted to someone who has both the positive but also the negative traits of our original caretakers, our family of origin. Some…

A key insight of Imago theory is that unconsciously we tend to be romantically attracted to someone who has some of both the positive, but also the negative traits of our early caretakers. That person can look very different on the outside, but don’t be surprised when similar negative feelings to ones you had as…

Next in your journey to wellness. If you were to rate your relationship on a scale of 1 – 10, with 10 being the best and 1 not so good, where would you be? And where do you want to spend the next 5 or 10 or 50 years? On Pleasure Island couples are at…

We started our Wellness Journey on Pain Island where, in a relationship, you might feel unheard, unloved, angry, frustrated, not respected, etc. The journey we are on is taking us to Pleasure Island, where you will feel loved, heard, understood and joyful. Our first of three stops along the way was on Reboot, where we…

When couples come into my office, generally things are not going very well. I propose they take a trip with me. The Wellness Journey moves them from where they are, which is often on Pain Island, to where they want to be, which is on Pleasure Island. On Pain Island couples often feel or say…

Zero Negativity is the last piece of the combination lock to having the relationship of your dreams. The first four Keys to the Lock are: The past affects the present Safety – your lower brain/brain stem The Safe Conversation Process – mirroring, validation and empathy The Space Between Eliminate All Negativity In a conscious relationship…

The Safe Conversation Process is a structured way of talking that ensures safety. It is a three-step process consisting of: mirroring, validation, and empathy. The mirroring step makes sure you have really listened to and heard your partner before you can speak. Validation The validation step takes issues out of the power struggle, which tends…

If safety is all-important in a relationship, and if the past does affect the present, and since talking is the main way we communicate with each other, then we absolutely must learn to talk to our partner in a safe way – about anything. The Safe Conversations process ensures partners do just that. It is…

Here, we will explore 2 possible solutions for relationship issues. If the past does affect the present as Imago theory contends, then especially at the start, you are probably going to be partnered with someone who will trigger old negative feelings, often unintentionally  (like the feeling of “being dismissed”). Therefore, you will need to come…