Helen, who is writing this chapter, begins with: “The brain can be divided into two parts: the lower brain, which we call the Crocodile; and the higher brain, which we call the Owl.” (p.100) Years ago, in my book Dream Relationship, I began with a similar concept: “Safety: the key to a great relationship. The […]
Negativity is a Wish in Disguise
The other day a client brought up the question of what to do with his negative thinking. He knows he isn’t supposed to be negative but a lot of anger is present when his partner continues to do certain behaviours. Harville addresses this very issue in his chapter on “Negativity is a wish in disguise”. […]
Safe Conversation: It’s Not WHAT You Say But HOW You Say It
I imagine we have all probably heard the saying “It’s not what you say but how you say it.” Helen, who is writing this chapter, takes this idea to a whole new level. In her last chapter, Being Present for Each Other Heals the Past, she challenged us to answer the call to become each […]
Being Present for Each Other Heals the Past
You can heal the past by being present for each other. Helen is writing this chapter, piggybacking on Chapter 3 Conflict Is Growth Trying to Happen. She begins: “Now, finally (drum roll, please), we get to the heart of what seems to be part of the universal mystery. There is an amazing thing that happens […]
Conflict is Growth Trying to Happen
When does conflict happen? If, as we said in Chapter 1, Romantic Love is a trick, and Chapter 2 tells us that incompatibility is grounds for marriage, then inevitably there will be conflict in any intimate relationship. Harville, who is writing this chapter, introduces it with this: “Hopefully by now, you realize that the conflict […]
Incompatibility is Grounds for Marriage
In our culture, generally, that statement reads “Incompatibility is grounds for divorce”. Harville, who is writing this chapter, flips it upside down. Yes, in the romantic love phase of a relationship, it tends to be the things two people have in common that attracts them together and that makes for a strong bond. He goes […]
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