What typically brings couples into my office is when things are not going well in their marriage – when there is DANGER. And yes, they have to learn how to deal with things when they go south, but I want couples to live the rest of their lives where it is SAFE. In Imago we […]
Your Brain has a Mind of Its Own
Helen, who is writing this chapter, begins with: “The brain can be divided into two parts: the lower brain, which we call the Crocodile; and the higher brain, which we call the Owl.” (p.100) Years ago, in my book Dream Relationship, I began with a similar concept: “Safety: the key to a great relationship. The […]
Negativity is a Wish in Disguise
The other day a client brought up the question of what to do with his negative thinking. He knows he isn’t supposed to be negative but a lot of anger is present when his partner continues to do certain behaviours. Harville addresses this very issue in his chapter on “Negativity is a wish in disguise”. […]
Safe Conversation: It’s Not WHAT You Say But HOW You Say It
I imagine we have all probably heard the saying “It’s not what you say but how you say it.” Helen, who is writing this chapter, takes this idea to a whole new level. In her last chapter, Being Present for Each Other Heals the Past, she challenged us to answer the call to become each […]
Being Present for Each Other Heals the Past
You can heal the past by being present for each other. Helen is writing this chapter, piggybacking on Chapter 3 Conflict Is Growth Trying to Happen. She begins: “Now, finally (drum roll, please), we get to the heart of what seems to be part of the universal mystery. There is an amazing thing that happens […]
Conflict is Growth Trying to Happen
When does conflict happen? If, as we said in Chapter 1, Romantic Love is a trick, and Chapter 2 tells us that incompatibility is grounds for marriage, then inevitably there will be conflict in any intimate relationship. Harville, who is writing this chapter, introduces it with this: “Hopefully by now, you realize that the conflict […]
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