Harville begins this chapter on healthy marriage with: “From the start, Helen and I believed that a healthy marriage has far-ranging benefits, not just for individuals, but for society. But we didn’t have the facts to prove it. So we began collecting statistics. And we’re constantly finding new studies that confirm what we’ve intuited for […]
Your Marriage is a Laughing Matter
What typically brings couples into my office is when things are not going well in their marriage – when there is DANGER. And yes, they have to learn how to deal with things when they go south, but I want couples to live the rest of their lives where it is SAFE. In Imago we […]
Your Brain has a Mind of Its Own
Helen, who is writing this chapter, begins with: “The brain can be divided into two parts: the lower brain, which we call the Crocodile; and the higher brain, which we call the Owl.” (p.100) Years ago, in my book Dream Relationship, I began with a similar concept: “Safety: the key to a great relationship. The […]
Negativity is a Wish in Disguise
The other day a client brought up the question of what to do with his negative thinking. He knows he isn’t supposed to be negative but a lot of anger is present when his partner continues to do certain behaviours. Harville addresses this very issue in his chapter on “Negativity is a wish in disguise”. […]
Safe Conversation: It’s Not WHAT You Say But HOW You Say It
I imagine we have all probably heard the saying “It’s not what you say but how you say it.” Helen, who is writing this chapter, takes this idea to a whole new level. In her last chapter, Being Present for Each Other Heals the Past, she challenged us to answer the call to become each […]
Being Present for Each Other Heals the Past
You can heal the past by being present for each other. Helen is writing this chapter, piggybacking on Chapter 3 Conflict Is Growth Trying to Happen. She begins: “Now, finally (drum roll, please), we get to the heart of what seems to be part of the universal mystery. There is an amazing thing that happens […]
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